• No more woke
  • No more gay
  • Put Crooked Hillary and Sleepy Joe in jail
  • Qatari jet
  • Sell millions of Trump meme coins
  • Win Nobel Peace Prize
  • Send in the Marines
  • Annex Canada and/or buy Greenland
  • Deck Gavin Newscum
  • Weekend getaway at Putin’s dacha
  • Lose five pounds
  • Restore Confederate military bases
  • Flowers from Elon (peonies would be nice)
  • Hold hands with Melania
  • Get Barron into Wharton (or Alabama)
  • Send Stormy Daniels to Guantánamo
  • Gild the Resolute desk in the Oval Office
  • Find love

Victoria Herman is an Associate Editor at AIR MAIL

Photo illustration: Chop Choppish Shop. Photos: Yuri Gripas/Abaca/Bloomberg/Getty Images (Trump’s face); H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock/Getty Images (birthday scene)