WASHINGTON—To process the avalanche of bribes offered him on a daily basis, on Friday the President created a new Cabinet-level department, Group Receiving Inducements For Trump (GRIFT).
“We’re getting thousands of beautiful gifts a day and we don’t have enough people to sign for them all,” Trump said. “Eric and Don Jr. can’t do it alone.”
In order to handle the administration’s soaring bribe surplus, GRIFT will have a workforce ten times the size of the EPA, officials said.
“The establishment of this agency is long overdue,” Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller said. “Obama and Biden failed to create the infrastructure necessary to operate a world-class kleptocracy.”
Andy Borowitz is the creator of the award-winning news-satire site the Borowitz Report, which has readers in 175 countries
