Just a half-dozen Attention-Whore Index competitions into 2025, a pattern is emerging: Donald Trump and (especially) Elon Musk keep trading off the top spot. Musk, with 42.6 percent, won the latest (for all the obvious reasons), and Trump, who wins whenever Musk doesn’t, was a distant second with 19.1 percent. In fact, Trump, despite his considerable efforts, didn’t finish far ahead of his onetime Mar-a-Lago dinner guest, the self-described Nazi Kanye West (14.8 percent).
This week’s candidates in a moment. But first:
“He who saves his Country does not violate any Law.”
—Donald Trump
The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …
1.
PRINCE ANDREW
Probably the A.W.I.’s most consistently competitive royal among several strong contenders from the Houses of Windsor and Montecito—even without any outright poll-topping wins, Andrew is regularly in the mix. The Sun reported that in December he invited the Chinese ambassador to a lunch meeting at Royal Lodge with Oleg Firer, C.E.O. of the investment firm Waterberg-Stirling and an associate of the prince’s, just days before Andrew’s links to a Chinese spy were made public. Firer, meanwhile, “had his name dragged into an investigation of a honey-trap scam,” according to The Times of London, and “has featured in a litany of legal cases over the past 20 years.” All of which raised the familiar questions about the Duke of York’s impeccable judgment.
2.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE
Donald Trump Jr.’s former fiancée turned ambassador to Greece “appeared to tease a new romance on Valentine’s Day as she showed off a bouquet of roses on her Instagram Stories,” while posing in “a silver revenge dress,” said the Daily Mail. “Hinting that there is a new suitor in her life, Guilfoyle simply captioned the post ‘thank you’ with two pink heart emojis.”
3.
THE HIGHLY COMPETENT PEOPLE RUNNING THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT
The Trump administration fired more than 300 staffers from the National Nuclear Security Administration, apparently unaware that the workers managed the nuclear-weapons stockpile. Heather Cox Richardson wrote in Letters from an American that, according to NBC News, “officials are now trying to rehire them but can’t figure out how to reach them because the workers lost access to their work email when they were fired.” A few days later, The Washington Post reported that the Department of Agriculture was trying to reverse “the accidental firing of several people working on the federal government’s response to an outbreak of avian influenza”—bird flu has been decimating egg supplies and causing prices to soar. No word on whether the Department of Agriculture has their contact details.
4.
ELON MUSK
Speaking of competence, Musk’s crack team of number crunchers managed to confuse “millions” and “billions.” More seriously, his Department of Government Efficiency asked the I.R.S. to hand over “systems [that] contain the private financial data tied to millions of Americans, including their tax returns, Social Security numbers, addresses, banking details and employment information,” said The New York Times. Cut funding for a program that provided health care to 9/11 emergency workers suffering from exposure to toxins. For sport, he made fun of a blind person. “First, Musk retweeted a post on X noting that the ‘blind director of watchdog group funded by George Soros testifies that he does not see widespread evidence of government waste’ and added two laughing/crying emojis,” The Washington Post reported. “The tweet garnered more than 21 million views, and sparked dozens of hateful messages” to the man’s account. On a happier note, a birth announcement: Musk’s 13th child, a boy. “Five months ago, I welcomed a new baby into the world,” the conservative influencer Ashley St. Clair posted on X. “Elon Musk is the father.” (Musk hasn’t publicly acknowledged the child.) Finally, was called “a parasitic illegal immigrant” by Steve Bannon.
5.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
It was revealed that Greene bought thousands of dollars of Tesla shares a few weeks after being named chair of the House’s DOGE subcommittee. Not a good, or ethical, look, even though the stock promptly went down 11 percent according to Newsweek. And the queen of weaponized social media suddenly got all philosophical: “Too much social media turns things a bit toxic.… People need to put their phones down and live life,” she—naturally—posted.
6.
MEGHAN MARKLE
American Riviera Orchard, we hardly knew ye. The Duchess of Sussex revealed in a video that she’s renamed her jam/textile/gardening tools/pet accessories/whatever brand. Henceforth, it will go by “As Ever.” But already there was trouble. The town of Porreres on Majorca, Spain, is considering legal action against the Duchess over the As Ever logo (a palm tree flanked by two birds) because of its resemblance to the Porreres coat of arms (a palm tree flanked by two birds), in use since the 14th century. And the owner of a small, “family-run” New York clothing company called, yes, As Ever—in business eight years—told The Sun, “Even if I wanted to do something I don’t think I have the behemoth of lawyers and money that are behind this.”
7.
DONALD TRUMP
Continued careering through his second “presidency.” Cozied up to Putin, blamed Ukraine for foolishly having been invaded by Russia, and called Zelensky “a dictator.” Seized control of (once) independent agencies, started scrapping clean energy in favor of fossil fuels. Went to the Daytona 500, reminding NASCAR drivers, “This is your favorite president!” Fired several hundred government employees who maintain critical air-traffic-control infrastructure, just a few weeks after the fatal D.C. crash. Pushed to kill congestion pricing in New York, crowing in a post that he’d “saved” the city and signing off with “LONG LIVE THE KING!,” after which the White House released a mock Time-magazine cover featuring Trump wearing a crown. With Musk by his side, told Fox News’s Sean Hannity, “This guy’s a brilliant guy. He’s a great guy. He’s got tremendous and scientific imagination. But he’s also a good person. He’s a very good person.” Musk responded in kind. Hannity gushed, “This is going to be hard. I feel like I’m interviewing two brothers here.”
8.
ERIC ADAMS
New York’s mayor participated in a humiliating joint interview with border czar Tom Homan following their deal to allow ICE agents into the Rikers Island prison. “If he doesn’t come through, I’ll be back in New York City, and we won’t be sitting on the couch,” said Homan on Fox News. “I’ll be in his office, up his butt, saying, ‘Where the hell is this agreement we came to?’” Having cravenly maneuvered himself into a position that leaves him beholden to Trump, whose Justice Department could always change its mind about dropping those corruption charges, Adams faced escalating calls to resign. He didn’t, although four deputy mayors did, in protest over his cooperating with Trump. “I am going nowhere,” Adams said, to which one might append the word “fast.” —George Kalogerakis
George Kalogerakis, a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL, worked at Spy, Vanity Fair, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. He is a co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and a co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War
