This week, in testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Attorney General Pam Bondi gave a master class in obfuscation, prevarication, and pettiness. Every question posed to her by the Democratic senators was met with snark, contempt, and bald-faced lies. Comparing the current attorney general to previous holders of that once esteemed office would be a pointless waste of time. As such, we’ve chosen instead to waste time comparing Pam Bondi to a can of Pam Non-Stick Spray.
Pam Non-Stick Spray can be bought anywhere in the country for about $5.99.
Donald Trump bought Pam Bondi back in 2013 when he made a $25,000 contribution to her re-election campaign.
Pam Non-Stick Spray contains no artificial preservatives, flavors, or colors.
Pam Bondi makes no such claims.
Pam Non-Stick Spray is a replacement for butter, which is full of saturated fats linked to heart disease.
Pam Bondi replaced Matt Gaetz, who is full of B.S. linked to right-wing fruitcakes.
When a consumer is finished using a can of Pam Non-Stick Spray, they simply toss it in the garbage.
History tells us that a similar fate awaits Pam Bondi once Donald Trump is finished using her.
Pam Non-Stick Spray is used to make the separation of cake from a pan smooth and easy.
Pam Bondi has made the separation between the White House and the Justice Department indistinguishable.
A can of Pam Non-Stick Spray is a mere seven and three-quarter inches tall.
Whether measured in words, actions, or deeds, it’s clear Pam Bondi is a small person.
Grilling with Pam Non-Stick Spray results in a gummy residue.
Grilling Pam Bondi before the Senate Judiciary Committee results in depression and complete loss of faith in the United States Department of Justice and our system of checks and balances.
Pam Non-Stick Spray is trusted by chefs, bakers, and homemakers nationwide.
Polls say Pam Bondi is not trusted by liberals, independents, or MAGA hard-liners.
Nothing sticks to Pam Non-Stick Spray.
Nothing has stuck to Pam Bondi—yet—but questions about her role in the Epstein-files cover-up are getting stickier by the day.
John Ficarra is a former editor of Mad magazine
