Half a century into her career, Bette Midler continues to prove that anything you can do, she can do better. At 78, she’s won four Golden Globes, three Grammys, three Emmys, two Tonys, and a BAFTA—and she’s still working. Now she’s starring as a bride-to-be in the new comedy The Fabulous Four, which sees college best friends, played by Susan Sarandon, Sheryl Lee Ralph, and Megan Mullally, make a journey to Key West, Florida, for the big day. Midler shares her unfiltered thoughts on traveling.
But first, a note from the woman herself: “Let me just say, for the record, that I hate the stress that accompanies air travel. There must be a committee somewhere that meets regularly to decide what new thing they can do to the public that will make them even more miserable than they already are. No matter who you are, you’re going to feel the crush of humanity, and it’s just crazy how many of us are all at the airport at the same time, all in line struggling to board and run away or run to. In the best movie I ever made, The Rose, I uttered the immortal line ‘Where’s everybody going?’ And a more trenchant question was never howled fruitlessly at the sky.”
What do you wear to the airport?
The chic-est sweats I can find and slip-on shoes. I bitterly resent having to find a place to sit to tie my shoes again.
Check bags, or carry-on only?
Both, depending on how many public appearances are needed for the trip. For me, getting into an elevator is a public appearance. I often have a carry-on, but I prefer to check it because I am not strong enough to get the bag in the overhead, and I’m always afraid no one will help me, although someone invariably does. I needed a cheap carry-on recently for a flight, and my assistant got one for me. She told me it was their most popular model. When I got to the carousel, it was the first one off the plane. I grabbed it and took it home only to find it wasn’t mine!
What do you bring in your carry-on?
The bare necessities, just in case my luggage gets lost—underwear, toothbrush, shampoo, makeup, etc. But of course there’s always the purse, too, which holds books, glasses, eyeshades, earplugs, socks, makeup, and meds.
What do you buy in the airport terminal?
Absolutely nothing.
What do you do while waiting to board?
Read and people-watch.
Item you can’t fly without?
Socks.
Window, middle, or aisle seat?
Call me selfish, I like the window, although lately I’m happier to be nearer the loo.
How do you pass the time on the plane?
Reading.
Do you buy Wi-Fi?
Nope.
Do you eat plane food?
I do, but never heavy food or sweets. I don’t drink alcohol on a plane ever—that’s deadly.
Best plane food you’ve ever had?
Plane food can be so-so, but on JetBlue Mint, the food used to be really great. They even gave you little tins of Maldon salt, which I found thrilling. I still have my tin and re-fill it regularly. They don’t do that anymore.
Keep shoes on or off on the plane?
Shoes and bra off immediately and socks on.
What do you do when turbulence hits?
Hyperventilate and make frightened-trapped-animal sounds.
Worst part of the flight?
Takeoff. It’s only through my psychic exertions that the plane makes it off the ground in the first place!
First thing you do when the plane lands?
Thank the Lord that I landed safely and give myself a standing ovation. I did it again.
The Fabulous Four is in theaters now
