The Attention-Whore Index

Sweet: last week’s poll was topped by two men who think, first and foremost, of their wives. Supreme Court justice Samuel Alito, having instantly and conveniently blamed his wife for the awkward flag flying on their lawn, pulled down 33 percent. As for the Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker, his mind went only to his better half when he looked out at a graduating class that included women who might be considering throwing their lives away on careers and such; that view earned him second place, with 20 percent. The House of Windsor proved they were back in fighting trim, finishing third, with 12 percent. Intermittently gagged Donald Trump continued his sub-par recent ways with a measly 9 percent. But we suspect it’s just the calm before the storm.

The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …

1.

ERIC ADAMS

New York’s fun-loving mayor has been laying low of late. But he raised some eyebrows when he suggested that immigrants, being as we all know “excellent swimmers,” just might provide the solution to the city’s lifeguard-shortage problem. And when a former aide of his decided to cooperate with the F.B.I. in its corruption investigation of Adams’s 2021 campaign, it definitely put the mayor very much back in our thoughts.

2.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON

Last September, the actress was approached by Sam Altman, OpenAI’s co-founder and C.E.O. Most Likely to Betray Mankind, about voicing the company’s new A.I. system. But Johansson turned him down, supposedly “for personal reasons,” and Altman—for whom all problems are but lines of code in need of re-writing—found a soundalike actor to copy her vocal modulations. “Nine months later, my friends, family and the general public all noted how much the newest system named ‘Sky’ sounded like me,” wrote the newly shy and retiring Johansson, in a statement to the media. Altman denied the voice was meant to sound like Johansson, Johansson harrumphed about deepfakes and protecting her likeness, and the rollout of Sky was “paused,” at least until Altman can re-program the clearly malfunctioning Johansson.

3.

THE SUSSEXES

Prince Harry’s childhood chum Hugh Grosvenor, the Duke of Westminster, is getting married, the nuptials anticipated to be, according to Tatler, the “society event of the year.” But the Sussexes have announced, to all who would listen, that they will not be attending. Supporters of the Sussexes say the couple is being gracious and avoiding a possible fracas with Prince William, who will be an usher at the wedding. Those in the Windsor camp say the Sussexes were never actually invited. The winner? Whoever is in charge of the seating plan.

4.

MIRANDA JULY

The multi-hyphenate’s every notion seems to generate a raft of glowing profiles. This time it’s in connection with her new book, All Fours. Her big revelation? She bought a “little house” backing onto her current writing studio, where she spends one night a week away from her family home. “It was one of those things where you pull out one thread and then it’s like … why is everything the way it is?” So true. So very, very true.

5.

DONALD TRUMP

Suffering bouts of shyness isn’t going to help him get his A.W.I. game back. Despite having been loudly eager to testify at his trial, decided, well, maybe not. Also stopped talking for more than 30 seconds while delivering a speech to the National Rifle Association—was that a Mitch McConnell–esque seizure, or, as his supporters insisted, was Trump simply pausing “for dramatic effect”? Still, there were signs that he was emerging from his lethargy when he reposted a social-media video that, in answer to the question “What happens after Donald Trump wins?,” displayed: “Creation of a Unified Reich.”

6.

ROBERT COSTELLO

At Trump’s trial, the former legal adviser to Michael Cohen took the stand. As the judge repeatedly sustained objections from prosecutors, Costello sighed “Jeez” into the microphone, and followed it up with a barrage of moans and groans. “You don’t say ‘Jeez’,” snapped the judge, “and then if you don’t like my ruling, you don’t give me side eye, and you don’t roll your eyes.” Costello seemed to make a face, the judge snapped, “Are you staring me down?,” and then cleared the courtroom. It seemed like a master class in contempt, but it made one wish Trump himself had taken the stand—where might that have gone? “For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’”

7.

RISHI SUNAK

Announcing the date of a general election isn’t necessarily a successful way to compete for attention—we try it from time to time when we’ve had a little too much coffee, and, frankly, no one seems to notice. But it’s a different story when you’re the prime minister, even a hapless one whose announcement is made in the rain, without an umbrella. So, gauntlet thrown down! In the U.K. and, yes, here in the A.W.I.

And now for this week’s Diary …

The president of Argentina, Javier Milei, may be in the midst of a diplomatic spat with Spain—he called the prime minister’s wife “corrupt”—but that’s not getting in the way of his letting his bountiful hair down, reports Clarín. On Wednesday, Milei will launch his latest book, the rivetingly titled Capitalism, Socialism and the Neoclassical Trap, at no less a venue than the Estadio Luna Park stadium, before “participating in a show where he himself will sing.” The show will be “unprecedented in Argentina,” according to his spokesman.

The International Commission on Zoological Nomenclature has declared that an endangered brown beetle, named after Adolf Hitler, will not be renamed, reported The Times of London. Anophthalmus hitleri was discovered in 1937 by an Austrian collector, who named it after Germany’s then chancellor. The I.C.Z.N. said changing names on ethical grounds would cause undue confusion. That confusion may be moot: the beetle’s popularity among Nazi-memorabilia collectors—a single bug can cost more than $1,000—is one of the reasons for it being endangered.

A church in this German university town hoped to recruit a younger flock by delivering services dedicated to Taylor Swift and featuring pink programs and Swiftian musical interludes. Priest Vicenzo Petracca, who is also a D.J., told DW-TV, “Theologically speaking, she points to the justness of God.”

Fed up with hordes of Instagrammers clogging up one of their streets while taking pictures of Mount Fuji, the citizens of this town have resorted to erecting a 66-foot-long black fence to obstruct the view, reported Reuters. “I’m really happy that foreigners are coming to our town,” said Kikue Katsumata, 73, a lifelong resident of Fujikawaguchiko. “But when it comes to taking pictures … the road is a bit narrow and it can be dangerous when people dash across without using a crosswalk.” —George Kalogerakis

George Kalogerakis, a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL, worked at Spy, Vanity Fair, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. He is a co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and a co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War