The Attention-Whore Index

Well, here’s something Donald Trump actually won, and for the second straight week, though he really has been pulling out all the stops recently, Attention-Whore-wise. Trump received 68.3 percent of your votes last week. The Royal Family, collectively, were a distant second with 8.6 percent, followed by Vladimir Putin, Rupert Murdoch, Emmanuel Macron, Ron DeSantis, Swiss banks, and Sarah Ferguson. Of course, what’s important is participating: in our eyes, they’re all winners.

The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …

1.

Emily RatajkowskI

Successfully harnessed herself to another news cycle by being caught in a gone-viral kiss with Harry Styles on a Tokyo street. For insurance, was reported to be “begging” Styles’s ex, Olivia Wilde, for forgiveness.

2.

HARRY AND MEGHAN

The Sussexes reportedly desire to join working royals in a “special family moment” on the Buckingham Palace balcony at Charles’s coronation. Meanwhile, in a special judicial moment, Prince Harry turned up unexpectedly in London’s High Court as part of a “gross breaches of privacy” hearing that he’s participating in against the Daily Mail. Harry kept his appearance on the down-low: Meghan’s place by his side was taken by the less ostentatious Elton John.

3.

GIORGIA MELONI

Her far-right government, which has restricted humanitarian efforts in the Mediterranean, detained the Banksy-funded rescue ship Louise Michel, forcing it to dock at Lampedusa, Italy, with 178 migrants from Libya aboard.

4.

DONALD TRUMP

Yes, he’s the first president to be indicted, but we see it less as legal jeopardy than pure, shameless grandstanding—Trump’s transparent attempt to claim AIR MAIL’s A.W.I. title for a third straight week. And it might just work, even though he is, as he reminded us earlier in the week, “the most innocent man in the history of our country.”

5.

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU

Speaking of possible threats to democracy, the Israeli prime minister’s judicial overhaul has not gone over well with much of the country’s population—widespread strikes and protests, complaints from the military, airport disruptions. Or with his defense minister, Yoav Gallant, who recommended a pause in the plans. Make that former defense minister: Netanyahu fired him, then delayed the overhaul, but still finds himself at the center of a political maelstrom. And what could be better, in the context of this competition?

6.

GWYNETH PALTROW

Taking the stand in a Utah courtroom to defend herself against a lawsuit filed by a retired optometrist over a 2016 accident on the slopes isn’t in itself A.W.-worthy. But her response when asked what “losses” she had suffered as a result of the collision—“Well, we lost half a day of skiing”—earns points. Having been cleared of fault and granted $1 in damages, as she left the courtroom she whispered to the optometrist, “I wish you well.” Cold. And very on-brand.

7.

VLADIMIR PUTIN

Announced that, by the way, he would station tactical nuclear weapons in Belarus during the coming months. This man needs a hobby.

And now for this week’s Diary …

The Duke of Windsor provided the Nazis with “inside information” on the layout of Buckingham Palace, which was subsequently hit by bombs, according to a historian with access to the Windsor Castle archives. Alexander Larman said, “The Nazis knew what they were doing and that was because they had inside information [from the duke],” reported The Times of London.

Twitter’s long-incommunicado communications department is now responding to all press queries with a poop emoji. Elon Musk made the announcement in a tweet, continuing the highfalutin tone that has marked his reign at the company.

A company in China, Chengdu Ant Logistics, asked job applicants to wear masks in order to make the hiring process more fair, i.e., based on qualifications rather than appearance, according to Tuko News. In a video, four job seekers in full-face white masks sit listening to a masked interviewer. It was also reported that “one of the company employees had been asked to cut and distribute sugarcane pieces to the interviewees,” with no explanation for how candidates were supposed to maneuver the sugarcane past the masks.

Ecologically sound nutrient-rich insect flours are increasingly popular, but not in Italy, where the right-wing government has banished crickets, locusts, and insect larvae from its pastas and pizzas. Products made with bugs will still be available, but will be segregated in markets. “It’s fundamental that these flours are not confused with food made in Italy,” noted the agriculture minister. The government is also pushing for a ban on lab-produced meat, because synthetic foods “do not guarantee quality, well-being and the protection of the Italian food and wine culture and tradition.” With the government having strong neo-Fascist links, should we be worried that these purity laws might not stop at pasta?

Affectlessness isn’t only skin deep: Botox injections can impair people’s ability to read emotions, according to research conducted by the University of California and AbbVie Pharmaceuticals, a maker of the drug. Post-injection, participants in the study experienced a change in activity in the part of the brain involved with processing emotions.

The Carthusian monks at la Grande Chartreuse monastery north of here are de-emphasizing their production of the popular green liqueur—made for three centuries with a secret recipe involving 130 herbs, plants, and flowers—preferring to “devote their time to solitude and prayer,” they announced in a social-media post. Although Chartreuse will not be disappearing—the monks say it will “continue to maintain a relevant presence”—the new ceiling on production has resulted in hand-wringing among bartenders and aficionados, and a scramble for bottles. —George Kalogerakis

George Kalogerakis, one of the original editor-writers at Spy, later worked for Vanity Fair, New York, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. A co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War, he is a Writer at Large for AIR MAIL