It’s 9.29am and someone is filming the circle as we begin our shamanic shaking session. I know this because I am peeking through my eyelids, which are supposed to be closed, and I’m wondering just how damaging this footage might be, should I decide to run for public office one day. I am on the Goop cruise, nine days of luxury wellness on the top-of-the-line, 140,600-ton Celebrity Beyond, sailing along the South of France and the Italian Riviera. Gwyneth Paltrow is Celebrity Cruises’ well-being adviser, and the itinerary has been put together by the team that brought you jade yoni eggs and adventures in alternative (read, woo-woo) practices such as bee-sting therapy and vaginal steaming.
Goop is worth $250 million, and at the helm is Paltrow, who will be joining us on day six – a first, and the reason most of my fellow guests are here. They have pressing questions, or business cards ready to press into her hand should they get the chance. (I’m even given two: one for ketamine-assisted therapy and another for a psychedelic retreat.)
