Alan Cumming is just as skilled on the page as he is on the stage. The multi-talented entertainer is a much-lauded actor, singer, dancer, and M.C., and now a recent spate of nonfiction books has propelled him to literary acclaim as well. His latest, Baggage: Tales from a Fully Packed Life, chronicles his adventures, both professional and personal, as he finds himself on movie sets and stages all over the world. On this occasion, he shares his key components to the good life. —Ashley Baker
AIRLINE: The ones they used to have that were all business class. There was no shame involved.
AIRPORT: The island of Barra, in the Outer Hebrides. You land on the actual beach. It’s magical.
APP: One that tells you what’s open when you are out late and not ready for bed yet in cities that close early.
APPLIANCE: I just love a swanky SodaStream. No plastic bottles of fizz filling up the ocean from my house!
ATTITUDE: Big Dick Energy, in the sense that it’s good for everyone to feel self-confident at all times, even if you have no dick or indeed a tiny one.
BAG: An eco-friendly one with lots of nooks. I actually have one that is made from recycled coffee granules. Scoff if you must.
BEDTIME: My dog Lala and I gaze into each other’s eyes for a while and I stroke her legs, and then my husband and our other dog, Jerry, join us in bed and we all cuddle up.
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: Neither exists. Wake up, America!
BREAKFAST, WEEKDAY: Vegan-protein-powder smoothie.
BREAKFAST, WEEKEND: Baked beans on toast.
CAR: My long-gone red Citroën 2CV.
CHILD: One that is born aged 18.
COCKTAIL: A vodka martini straight up with a twist, so dry that the vermouth does not even leave the bottle. So, chilled vodka, basically.
COCKTAIL APPETIZER: Spicy nuts.
COUPLE: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith seem to really have it going on in all departments.
DATE: Doing the shagging first.
DIET: Soup. I could, and indeed sometimes do, just exist on vegetable soup. It’s a thing people do as some sort of penance and as a way to detox, but for me it’s Nirvana. My friend Michael’s nickname for me is actually “Soup.”
DRIVE: The A82 in Scotland, from Glasgow northwards.
EXCUSE: “I’m so sorry, but I just couldn’t be bothered.”
FRIEND: One that doesn’t need to be nurtured like a needy pot plant, but will always be there for you whenever your paths cross, like some gorgeous, hardy evergreen.
GOOD-BYE:
“Take care, brush your hair, say hi to Cher.”
HIDEAWAY: Somewhere only we know.
HOTEL: The Chateau Marmont, in Los Angeles, and I worry about its new incarnation. I love hotels that feel not like a hotel, but that someone cool has gone away and let you house-sit. And you can be there for weeks, and nobody knows ’cause there isn’t some hideous lobby to cross with everyone watching.
INSULT: I like it when they’re true as well as accurate. Like “You are a disgrace” or “You are unprofessional and disrespectful.” I like when you don’t have to be mean but are so much more hurtful because it is actually true. Conversely, I really don’t like when someone says something true like “You are a wanker” as an insult when, of course, we all are. I am, at least once daily.
JACKET: Potato. I am from peasant stock. There are very few things in life that please me more than a jacket potato and baked beans.
NAME: There was a boy at my school called Roland Butter. Also, my friend once served someone in a restaurant called Cameron MacSporran-Bridie. You maybe need to be Scottish to fully appreciate the magnitude of that one.
NONFICTION BOOK: This Much Is True, by Miriam Margolyes. We worked together recently, and she told me about it. Reading it felt like she was wittily gossiping in my ear.
NOVEL: The Trick Is to Keep Breathing, by Janice Galloway. A Scottish masterpiece that rocked my world.
PANTS: I am going to go with my original understanding of pants and tell you that I am a jockstrap man, and you’ll all just need to deal with it.
PAIR OF SHOES: Wellies, Crocs, generally anything rubber and polarizing.
PET: Every dog I have ever had.
PIECE OF ADVICE: “Don’t fuck the talent.”
PODCAST: One that is short, around half an hour, tops, and does not begin with the hosts bantering inanely for a good quarter hour.
PRESIDENT: Elizabeth Warren. Please file under champagne socialist and pipe dreams.
SAYING: My favorite is an Australian one: “Shouldn’t be a drama.” Because, really, the majority of things really shouldn’t.
SINGER: I don’t think anyone can make a story out of a song like Liza.
SPOUSE: Grant Shaffer, shy superstar.
SECOND SPOUSE: Oh, I see, this is a spouse inventory. It’s complicated, but all in my book!
SPICE: a) turmeric, as it is delicious and anti-inflammatory, and I put it in everything I possibly can; b) Geri.
STORM: When you run into old friends unexpectedly and you have nothing to do the next day and everyone is game for a party.
TELEVISION SERIES: Fleabag. Brilliant and subversive and tender, and it didn’t overstay its welcome.
VIEW: From my deck in the Catskills. I even have a camera app on my phone so I can see it anywhere and anytime. It reminds me to breathe.
WAKE-UP TIME: When I have nothing to do and my body sleeps as long as it likes.
WORK OF ART: One that does not last, except in your mind.
Alan’s Essentials
