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February 15 2020
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In 2009, year four of my captivity.

I ask Donald, “You ready for Big One?” He look at me like me I’m the crazy one. My little boy No. 2, he say, “What you talkin’ about? I’m ready for anything. Big One, I know about Big One.” He think about Little Mike spending more on ads than Trump Tower is worth. He say, “Little Mike just wants to show he is taller than a can of Bud Light and thinner than a bag of Cheetos.”

I tell M.L.B. No. 2 that isn’t Big One. He now puzzled. He then think I talk about Joe Manchin. He tell me Joe Manchin wears risers and only reason Joe Manchin is not so heavy is because he has irritable bowel. I say, “Wrong.” M.L.B. No. 2 is now really puzzled.

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