My plane is very big and very special and it has just arrived for the Nato summit in England where I am very popular. And the Boris guy who wants to be me, so badly by the way, is calling already.

“I get it,” I’m saying, “because I am a very stable genius. I’m the smartest person in the room. Even when I’m by myself. Everybody says! Who? I don’t know. Empty room. What were we talking about?”

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