My son-in-law Jared, who is so clever he could almost be one of my real children, comes running into the Oval Office. And he says it’s time for us to accept that America is at the absolute centre of this thing.

“Harry and Meghan?” I say. “So I hear. But we’re not paying. Did you hear what she said about me? So nasty. Beautiful, but nasty. Not like his mother. She was classy. Did I ever tell you about the time I nearly …”

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