To the surprise of many experts, political upstart Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is polling at a consistent 10 percent in a potential three-way presidential matchup against Joe Biden and Donald Trump. His campaign announced this past week that he just qualified to run in the battle-ground state of Michigan. Kennedy has managed to do this by pulling together a diverse coalition of voters from all walks of life. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these Kennedy supporters.
3 percent
Fellow nepo babies.
22 percent
Coronavirus-conspiracy-loving anti-Semites looking for a fresh face.
3 percent
Heroin dealers who remember Kennedy from back in the day.
18 percent
Members of the lunatic fringe who don’t find Trump unhinged and unbalanced enough.
2 percent
Guilt-ridden members of Sirhan Sirhan’s family.
4 percent
Democratic women whose grandmothers had affairs with Jack Kennedy in the White House and who now see an R.F.K. Jr. presidency as their last best chance for some Camelot 2.0 sex.
16 percent
Former supporters of Ralph Nader’s and Jill Stein’s, who are always looking for a new opportunity to screw up a national election.
6 percent
Convicted January 6 insurrectionists who fear the 77-year-old, morbidly obese Trump will drop dead on the golf course before getting around to pardoning them.
8 percent
Unregistered voters who just enjoy pranking pollsters.
12 percent
Creepy fans of Curb Your Enthusiasm who feel supporting Kennedy brings them one degree closer to Cheryl Hines.
0.001 percent
Nicole Shanahan (assumed but not confirmed).
John Ficarra is the former editor of Mad magazine