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June 13 2020
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To serve? Not so much. To be protected? Yes, please. (And no, this is not a real photo.)

So reports suggest Prince and Princess Harry will soon be spending more than $3.1 million a year on a team of crack security experts who cut their teeth in the FBI, the CIA and the NSA (not the National Sheep Association — that’s something different). This means that wherever they go, the couple will be accompanied by a highly visible squad of men with curliewurlie earpieces, who will keep the sleeves of their expensive suits fully informed about what’s going on at all times. This will make the prince and princess feel very important.

Should there be an incident of some kind, the couple will have been told that one of the team will leap into the path of the oncoming bullet — and they’ll have believed this, of course. They will also have believed the guarantee that a full refund will be paid if the agent decides at the last moment that he’d rather not take the bullet after all.

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