Mel Robbins is the no-nonsense big sister we all secretly wish we had. Host of the wildly popular Mel Robbins Podcast and a best-selling author, she’s on a mission to help us live our best lives. Her TEDx Talk “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over” has racked up more than 33 million views because … who doesn’t want to stop screwing themselves over? Robbins has a gift for turning straightforward advice into bite-size, Why didn’t I think of that? moments. And she does it all with honesty and self-deprecating humor. The premise behind her latest best-seller, The Let Them Theory, is simple. Rather than micro-managing other people, “let them” make their own decisions, even if you don’t agree. That way, you aren’t wasting energy on what you can’t control and can focus on what you can (you)—and maybe, just maybe, there will be peace throughout the land, or at least within your four walls. Here, Robbins shares her good and less-so habits.
WAKE-UP TIME: A mistake I think people make is assuming they must wake up at the same time every day. I set my wake-up time based on what’s going on in my life, prioritizing getting eight hours. If I have a normal day, I’m super-early to bed—like 9:00 or 9:30—which means I’m usually awake between 6:00 and 6:30.
BREAKFAST: Usually something protein-forward, like a smoothie or eggs.
TIME TO GET UP! I use the countdown technique “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” and immediately get up. The idea is to act on a goal or unpleasant task by moving within five seconds. Otherwise, your brain will remove the need, and you’re less likely to act as time goes on. I am not a morning person, and this has really helped me. I make my bed, brush my teeth, look at myself in the mirror, and high-five myself into the day. It sounds super-cheesy, but it’s the fastest way to program new default thinking patterns. High-fiving is a physical gesture that means “You’ve got this” or “Go for it.” You never high-five somebody if you hate them. As you high-five yourself in the mirror it is physically impossible to have a negative thought about yourself because the gesture is programmed into your mind. Then I throw on the exercise clothes that I laid out the night before. It takes the decision of exercising out of the way. I go out the door for at least a 10-minute walk to get morning light, which triggers my circadian rhythm.
VITAMINS AND SUPPLEMENTS: Vitamins B and D are important because I live in Vermont, and the winter can be dreadful. I take estrogen, progesterone, probiotics, and magnesium in my tea at night. A lot of medical experts say that supplements just make your urine expensive, so I don’t know.
COCKTAIL/MOCKTAIL: I like a margarita, tequila on the rocks, or a Manhattan, although I can be a real bitch if I drink bourbon. With menopause, I’ve found that drinking just screws with my sleep. I kind of prefer gummies and am looking forward to seeing THC cocktails available in bars. I feel conflicted about drinking since I had Dr. Sarah Wakeman on the podcast, and she explained alcohol is the same chemical as hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol!
WORST VICE/GUILTY PLEASURE: Drinking. I know it’s so bad for me, but I like it!
MOOD LIFTER: My dogs, kids, husband, stepping outside in nature, and music. I have a gazillion playlists because music is such a massive mood booster for me.
ON THE ROAD: I am a terrible packer and always leave it to the last moment. It’s tons of stress for me. I somehow always forget underwear, too.
DAILY UNIFORM: I always wear jeans with a black T-shirt or black jersey oxford on the podcast because it’s just simpler. A real signature is my belt, which has a black-and-white photo of my three kids on the buckle. I always wear it onstage and joke that it’s the best way to travel with the kids and keep my family with me.
TREAT YOURSELF: I make an ice-cream sundae with hot fudge and salted peanuts as my go-to treat. And flowers are my love language. I grow them, admire them, and can wander through gardens for hours.
the “LET THEM” backstory: The power of the “Let Them” story is that it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s Viktor Frankl. It’s Stoicism. It’s Buddhism. It’s the truth about human beings from the history of time. The book takes the theoretical and turns it into a tool you can easily use.
SMALL HABIT THAT’S MADE A BIG DIFFERENCE: I had no idea how much energy I was pouring into trying to control things that were not in my control. I added “Let Me,” which shows how much power you have when you focus on your own attitude and the actions you can take. Sometimes, not doing something is a power move. You don’t have to respond to every e-mail, you don’t have to give everybody an explanation, and you can leave the dinner table if you want to.
PIECE OF ADVICE YOU’D GIVE TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF: None, because I wouldn’t want to change the course of history. And the truth is, I wouldn’t have listened anyway! It’s interesting what happens when you give your kids space. I’ve noticed that my kids come to me for advice more now because it’s their idea. They feel empowered to seek it, and they have the space to conclude that they actually want it.
FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE: I’m warm and welcoming in my smile and facial expressions. My warmth and interest in other people come through because that’s who I am.
DESERT-ISLAND PRODUCT: I am somebody who looks like they were born with no eyebrows, but Neubrow eyebrow serum has changed my life.
HAIR-CARE ESSENTIALS: I love JVN Nurture Hydrating shampoo and conditioner. My hair made me feel like a Labradoodle until I got the Dyson hair dryer. I know it’s expensive, but it changed my life.
WHEN DO YOU FEEL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL? When I’m sitting on a beach with my family, and we’re just out of the ocean, and the sun is shining, and we’re laughing.
WHOM DO YOU TURN TO FOR ADVICE? You can learn anything from anybody if you’re willing to pay attention. We’re all traveling on the road of life together, and at any point, there is someone a couple of steps ahead of and behind you. We’re all in a position, through our actions and attitude, to inspire and empower other people to try some of the same things we’ve tried.
“PINCH ME” MOMENT: When I sat across from Oprah on her new podcast, I was overwhelmed. Being with someone you admire and having them admire you back is just unbelievable. I haven’t experienced anything like that in my entire life, and I’m not sure I ever will again.
FAVORITE SANITY HACK: The world is doing no favors for you right now, and you must wake up and take back your power and joy. Social media is stealing your energy and focus. You’ll wake up one day and realize, “Wow, that was a dumb way to use my one wild and precious life.” You need to get serious about your joy!
BEST THING ABOUT AGING: Realizing that life is going to end, and that time truly is a melting ice cube. I’ve started focusing on what brings meaning to my life, like time with family, being an honest and kind person, and not wasting energy on insignificant things.
Holly Parmelee, formerly an associate publisher at Little, Brown and Company, is an editor and writer at Serendipity magazine
