In the run-up to the 97th Academy Awards, we saw Demi Moore in Schiaparelli, Cynthia Erivo in Givenchy, and Mikey Madison in Prada waltzing down the various carpets with all the charm we expect from our movie stars. The nominees’ roles were often overshadowed by the P.R. messaging from their contracted designers, jewelers, and makeup brands. For shame!
Don’t worry. I’m not getting in the dramaturgical weeds. Instead, I’d like to keep it superficial and imagine the beauty preferences of each of these Oscar-nominated characters.
Elisabeth Sparkle may be used to the hard stuff (injectables), but as she tries to find the balance amid an existential crisis, her lipstick needs staying power. (We saw the damage she did in the mirror.) Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink is her best choice; it doesn’t come off under almost any circumstance. When she needs it to, I suggest Renée Rouleau’s one-step Better Than Balm, which starts as a gel and transforms into an emulsion, whisking away makeup and regret … something Sparkle knows all too well.
Bob Dylan is nothing if not unfussy. Those who know him have said he might even have questionable hygiene habits—sleeping in his clothes and not brushing his teeth for days. He made headlines recently when his neighbors in Malibu reached their wit’s end at the odor emanating from a portable toilet on his property. Needless to say, I can’t imagine him dabbling in cologne or hair gel. But people can change. I suggest an extra-large bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Unscented Pure Castile Soap for both bathing and washing his hair. If he’s so inclined, he can clean his dishes with it, too.
Emilia Pérez may have had the most uncomfortable storyline of this awards season, given the comments Karla Sofía Gascón made on social media. That controversy shifted the spotlight to Rita Mora Castro, the lawyer in the film who helps Pérez transition from a man to a woman. Zoe Saldaña, who won the Oscar for playing Castro, had aspirations in her own life of becoming a prima ballerina before she switched to acting—in four billion-dollar-grossing films (two Avengers and two Avatars). As a criminal-defense attorney, her character shares Saldaña’s no-nonsense approach to her hair, which makes Roz Evergreen Styling Cream a fitting choice. It is one of the finest, most effective ways to create a slicked-back ponytail. Fun fact: Roz founder Mara Roszak seems to be a good-luck charm. Every nominated actor she’s worked with since 2015 has won their category: Emma Stone in 2016 and 2024, Michelle Yeoh in 2023, and Brie Larson in 2015. And now, Roszak’s longtime client Zoe Saldaña keeps up the lucky streak.
Elphaba defies gravity; it’s her whole schtick. Her proximity to the sun, though, is concerning. She got wind of everyone’s favorite sunscreen—Elta MD—in the new Skin Recovery Red Color Correcting Green Tint, which magically transforms from green to invisible to help with redness. However, she might also like it because it doesn’t leave a white, chalky residue. Wicked!
Hair-and-makeup artist Frances Hannon told me she and the director aimed to make Glinda look as different from Ariana Grande as possible, so the critics on TikTok need to get a grip. Unlike Grande, who owns R.E.M. Beauty, Glinda is free to use anything she’d like. I envision her dipping into Epres Bond Repair to strengthen her bleached hair. Makeup by Mario’s new Supershine Lip Gloss in Perfect Pink would be just the right shade of sugary sweetness. She might enjoy Ardell Seamless Underlash Extensions in FauxMink D Curl for a cat-eye effect without the liquid liner.
Anora, with her tinsel hair extensions, milky skin, and smart mouth, needs her products to hold up. I imagine her grabbing Eva NYC Kweeen Silver Glitter Spray for her skin and hair. She’s a fighter, so she may need Westmore Beauty’s Waterproof Body Coverage Perfector to help hide bruises. I like Make Up For Ever’s classic Artist Pencil in Wherever Walnut for her; it’s a tasteful nude.
What’s not a tasteful nude? Donald Trump, in real life and as played by Sebastian Stan in The Apprentice. It’s clear he’d gravitate toward Sally Hansen Airbrush legs, slapping it on everywhere except his hairline and the back of his neck. But how does he keep his collars so white? It’s probably classified information.
Kirbie Johnson is a Los Angeles–based writer who covers beauty and entertainment for Allure, InStyle, and Cosmopolitan. She’s a co-host of the Gloss Angeles podcast
