Does a divorce ever really come “out of the blue”? Sometimes it can seem that way to others, because it’s very hard to know the reality of a marriage unless you’re in it. For the majority of couples I see, splitting up is the end result of a “slow burn”—where the feeling of being out of sync has become more jarring over time, and the loss of love has been a gradual slipping away. Even when a seismic event such as an affair is the catalyst for separation, it’s a secondary symptom of having grown distant.
In most marriages, bonds fray slowly, until one day there’s the quiet and devastating realization that you feel unbearably alone in your relationship. Over 27 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples in my practice who have found themselves disconnected and well on the way to a “slow-burn divorce.” But if you recognize the signs and both partners are willing to change, it is possible to pull back from the brink—and find each other again.
