When Shiv Roy invites me to her home—and why wouldn’t she?—I may have to sneak away to her bathroom and peer into her medicine cabinet. I might even take photos. Stalker-ish? Absolutely. But you can tell a lot about people by the products they use, especially when they’re abominably rich. (Disclaimer: I have never done this, never intend to do this, and am far too guilty and polite to even dare.)
Shiv is, to me, a lesser terrorist in Succession’s Roy family, but she’s no hero. She’s also a mess of contradictions, all visible in her wardrobe. She wore an unsubtle fashion statement in the form of a black Tom Ford dress with a chain around the neck to her half-brother’s wedding. People die at Roy weddings, and Shiv dressed accordingly. Her beauty choice for the occasion was a frizzy gym ponytail secured with an ordinary elastic. “It looked like the same drugstore stuff every woman has kicking around in a messy bathroom drawer,” says Amy Odell, who writes Back Row, a newsletter about fashion and culture.”There are not many moments in this show where you’re like, ‘The Roys: they’re just like us!’ But that ponytail was one of those moments.”
Despite her Goody hair tie, Shiv stocks her bathroom of my fantasies with a full supply of Dr. Barbara Sturm products. She could probably be talked into any expensive potion without questioning its benefits. I can see her quickly shoving up her sweater sleeve as Sturm herself extracts blood, then centrifuges it and blends the platelets into a personalized cream not sold in stores. Some assistant—Shiv has no friends—must have told her that Sturm’s products are prestigious. A $300 bottle of hyaluronic drops makes complete sense to her, and she’ll go through half before moving on to the next exorbitant serum.
We know Kendall Roy uses Augustinus Bader, because we’ve seen it in his bathroom (along with a Ouai hair mask). I picture him attending a dinner party thrown by the skin-care brand’s co-founder and C.E.O., Charles Rosier, with Melanie Griffith, Victoria Beckham, Violet Grey’s Cassandra Grey, and a smattering of V.C.’s. He had accepted the invitation thinking it was the opening of a hot new restaurant, Augustinus Bader. When he discovers his mistake, he leaves the party early, annoyed, tossing the gift bag to his driver. Later, Kendall barks at Jess, his assistant, to order two dozen bottles, because he heard Leonardo DiCaprio panic-bought them, too. Kendall might have even considered investing in the brand when it reached a $1 billion valuation, late to the game as usual. He does not understand Professor Bader’s Trigger Factor Complex (who does, really?) but attributes his lack of brotox to The Rich Cream’s healing properties.
Roman Roy is clearly a hair-pomade guy. Clayton Hawkins, an L.A.-based hairstylist, clocked Tancho High-Grade Tique Vegetable Pomade in a scene with Roman. A wax stick made of hydrogenated castor oil that looks as if it were procured after a 14-hour flight but can be purchased on Amazon for $10 sounds just about right. The hair stick, which went viral on TikTok, has a “strong smell” of lavender, according to Amazon reviews, and its packaging ensures that Roman’s hands won’t get gooey.
Gerri Kellman deserves the world because she knows how to run it. And she’s got style to spare! Ger’s glamorous hat-and-dress combo at Connor’s wedding was a 10 out of 10. Put-together, professional, pragmatic Gerri likes what she likes and sticks to it. In her purse, I imagine a fresh tube of Estée Lauder lipstick, the same shade she’s worn for 20 years. Behind the scenes, Gerri instructs the crew of the G650 to supply the head with Origins skin care, a democratic option. Personally, she’s partial to La Mer’s Soft Cream and Lauder’s Advanced Night Repair. Each year on her birthday, she treats herself to a $785 bottle of La Prairie’s Skin Caviar Liquid Lift.
Willa Ferreya’s Ivanka-fication hit its peak this season. She now has access to all the luxuries, and she’s damn well going to get them. Since, in my imagination, she’s the most avid beauty consumer of the bunch, I see her outfitting her new home spa with a $1,900 Shani Darden L.E.D. light mask and a Dyson Airwrap, even though she gets a professional blowout most days. Still, she can’t part with her inexpensive Ben Nye Pretty Pink loose powder, a workhorse that she learned about, dramaturgically, during her stint in the theater.
Tom Wambsgans is so desperate to be accepted into the upper echelon that he initially purchased a bottle of SkinMedica’s TNS Recovery Complex ($230) as a conversation starter. The serum contains growth factors harvested from a baby’s foreskin, the kind of detail Tom thinks is funny but tends to flop at cocktail parties. He still uses the product but deleted the story as a “fun fact” from his repertoire. Tom has been looking especially luminous lately, which could be a result of his tension with Shiv, the TNS effect, or stress sweat.
The other half of the Disgusting Brothers, cousin Greg Hirsch, uses Dieux Skin. He borrowed Instant Angel from one of the girls he met “on the apps,” leaving his soap-and-water days behind. The threat of losing his inheritance to Greenpeace messed with Greg’s head, and now all he can do is obsess about the environment. When he read that Dieux Skin is dedicated to Mother Earth, he stopped looking for anything else.
Kirbie Johnson is Los Angeles–based writer who covers beauty and entertainment for Allure, InStyle, and Cosmopolitan. She’s a co-host of the Gloss Angeles podcast
