“Welcome to Long Island, MAGAzine readers! This is the lavish North Shore mansion I share with my husband, Brad Pitt. My great-grandfather F. Scott Fitzgerald used it as the setting for his classic American novel about wealth creation—which the Woke Mob probably wants to cancel!”
“Darn! There seems to be a problem with the front door. I’ll tell my husband, Michael B. Jordan, to have our staff look into it. Thanks to Joe Biden’s failed economic policies, it’s awfully hard to find a good majordomo these days!”
“Fortunately, my mother—a Nobel Prize–winning economist who fought off the hijackers on United 93 before dying 15 years later from her many wounds—taught me to be resourceful!”
“The Radical-Left Media keeps attacking my background, but I’m proud of my multi-ethnic family. Here’s a photo of my Jewish grandparents helping Barbra Streisand and Golda Meir escape the Holocaust. And that’s me as a kid at the beach with my older sister, Beyoncé.”
“Color me surprised! I just got a text from Speaker Kevin McCarthy—mentor and, more important, friend—saying I’m needed on the House floor A.S.A.P. for an important vote. This must be my Capitol Police V.I.P. escort!”
“Apologies for cutting our visit short, but such is the life of a can-do freshman representative/financial wizard/top underwear model. Spare a thought for my husband, Timothée Chalamet, who will be dining alone tonight—again!”
Ab Fabulist
My House Is a Very, Very Nice House (Where I Really Live)
