Later this month, Your Favorite President will publish an amazing, No. 1 best-selling new book, Letters to Trump, featuring fan letters across the decades from top celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Richard Nixon, Liza Minnelli, Kim Jong Un, and more! The letters are short, so it’s not like some boring 800-page memoir. My name is Barack Obama and once upon a time I signed a stupid bill, blah blah blah. This book, you barely have to read! What a bargain at $99!
Want a taste? Here are some Letters to Trump that didn’t make the cut, so imagine how incredible—and even shorter—the real ones are!
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November 5, 2007
Donald:
I’m flattered by the invitation to invest in your Trump Tower Moscow project, but if I can be frank … I’ve been around the block. I know “creative accounting” when I see it. This is all a little too house of cards for me.
Best of luck, Bernie M.
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February 13, 2003
Donald:
Ghislaine told me you enjoyed the “Vintage ’14” we sent over last week. Haha, sure, I know you don’t “drink.”
x, Jeffrey
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November 28, 2022
Mr. Prez –
Thanks for dinner the other night at Mar-a-Lago, and for having my back when everyone else was beating me up. And you’re right, they ARE the best accountants. I shouldn’t have been so harsh.
Peace, Ye
P.S.: Nick says, “Tell him I say heil,” lol
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December 15, 1998
Donald:
Great seeing you at the Shakespeare in Love premiere. Look, I take your point about your new girlfriend’s “rack” versus Gwyneth’s, but you know as well as I do there’s more to movie acting than that. Tell you what, though, I’ll take a meeting with her. You said she’s Slovenian? I can work with that. I’m in and out of the office this week. Probably best for her to come to my suite at the Soho Grand, any afternoon.
Don’t say I never did you any favors!
Fondly, Harvey
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June 19, 1988
Dear Dad:
I’m sorry I ruined Father’s Day—again. I apologize that the Lego scale replica of Trump Tower I spent six months making for you only had 58 floors—not 68, like you always say and is in all the press releases. I promise I will never make that mistake again. Can I come out of this meat locker now?
Your son, Donald Trump Jr.
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March 22, 2006
Donald:
I appreciated the roses. But I have to confess I was confused by the card, which was addressed to someone named Melania, congratulating her on the birth of … a son, I think? Also, for some reason, the card was signed by Regis Philbin. Probably just a mix-up at the florist’s and not a tacky re-gift, right? I’m sure.
xo, Stormy
P.S.: That Apprentice audition is when again?
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October 13, 1999
Dear Daddy:
Thank you so much for the birthday fax. I really like it. The paper is nice! Thank you so much for thinking of me!
Love, Tiffany