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“Well, Janet, it sounds like it’s important to Ed, so maybe you could pay attention to how he did on every hole for at least the front nine.”
“I know the way. I just act lost so I can spend less time being locked in a cage.”
“Give her a minute. She just got back from visiting her parents’ retirement home and found out they have giant tricycles.”
“Do as he says or he writes an op-ed.”
“The ‘well regulated’ part takes all the fun out of being in a militia.”
“You knew I had a thing for pillows when you married me.”
“If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back.”
“I hate it when they pander to the TikTok vote.”
“My client is willing to settle. Do you still have the leg?”
“Disgraceful! A message in a bottle—in a plastic bottle, if you please!”
“First we were like, ‘Noooo,’ then we were like, ‘Yayyy,’ now we’re like, ‘Noooo,’ again.”
“I just realized I’m talking to myself.”
“Aye, captain—reverse course! I say reverse course!”
“Water … water … but not too much.”
“Now, son, there are no monsters in the closet. But there are some skeletons you’ll come to know about. Hopefully, after I’m long dead.”
“As Your Evilness can see, it’s nigh impossible to keep the clean clothes from falling on the floor.”
“Here you go, buddy. State law.”
“I suggest you say your final ‘I told you so.’”
“You couldn’t ask for a more honest friend.”
“Do you want to order in or wither and die?”