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“See what happens when you leave party hats lying around the yard?”
“It’s just that I’m more of a ‘Fade, weep, disengage’ kind of person.”
“I liked him before his tweets got all political.”
“This next one is a little tune about drinkin’, druggin’, and pickleballin’.”
The 1/4K No-Spill Challenge.
“Mom—Declan’s using swear words incorrectly.”
“Alright, I’m out of here—it’s poker night.”
“Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old … with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio.”
“How did you manage to fail history?”
“I’m sorry, but ‘just plain old coffee’ no longer exists.”
“I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don’t want to bother the nice 911 people.”
“We’re just a small tech start-up, but we’ll let you know if we need any palookas clobbered.”
“Oh, dear God, more kitsch.”
“Thank you, Slightly More Correct Wording Man.”
“It’s nice having the option to work from home.”