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“Statistically speaking, there’s got to be at least one woman in there who’s looking for the awkward, sensitive type.”
“There’s no bad cop. We just let social media pressure you into a confession.”
Seconds before the children find out that Aunt Patty uses the f-word …
“O.K., we’re through with the animal-testing phase.”
“True, we could be soaring through the emerald corridors of sunset. What’s your point?”
“It’s a proposal about an idea for a concept.”
“I wish there was a way to distinguish this flag from the ones they used on January 6.”
“Here, you forgot one.”
“Maybe we should keep working from home.”
“The first bill is always a shock—everyone thinks heaven will be free.”
“Why did I choose a teenage sidekick?”
“Apologies … the couple slated to appear in this cartoon have gone out to eat with friends.”
Spray cheese of the gods.
“The curse has been set—your ex’s shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings.”
“All the good band names are taken by micro-breweries.”
“Because I designed this damned thing.”
“The best I will give you is my Starbucks name.”