“ … and it was at this point that I realized we made the same mistake before.”
Small Talk
“It’s my emotional-support beard.”
Small Talk
Small Talk
Small Talk
“How’s this? ‘Employee grants to Company, throughout the universe, the omniverse, including all fictional universes or parallel universes yet to be discovered, and even in the event of time travel or other space-time-continuum-disrupting technology, all rights to all things from the dawn of time until forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.’”
Small Talk
“That one is for the Pharaoh, and that one is for his cat.”
Small Talk
“I’m afraid the news isn’t good. Word has it that consumers are starting to find out what actually matters.”
Small Talk
“I have a confession—a few weeks back I wished I wouldn’t have to go into work or go to another social event for months.”
Small Talk
“Amateurs.”
Small Talk
“‘So what if it’s small,’ the Realtor says, ‘it’s not like you’ll be stuck in there.’”
Small Talk
“For my next trick, I’ll require an audience.”
Small Talk
Small Talk
Small Talk
“Gosh, before you know it they’ll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can’t comment on or ever make peace with!”
Small Talk
“For today’s punishment, you’ll be listening to my mom talk about her foot pain.”
Small Talk
“O.K., well, think about it, but remember, I find my own food, I’m quiet, and you don’t have to take me for walks.”
Small Talk
“Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead.”
Small Talk
Small Talk
“Can we at least acknowledge the fact of how generationally diverse our board is?”
Small Talk
“And on that fateful night, Mr. Gregson, do you recall how many times Björn Borg won Wimbledon?”
Small Talk
Small Talk
“If the cops stop us, we’re going to look pretty silly carrying a giant cannoli around the city this time of night.”
Small Talk
Small Talk
“No land women want me, so I’m off to try my hand in the sea.”
